random post

I have butterflies in my tummy, it's 2 am and I can't sleep, I have a meeting at 8 tomo that I hope goes well, half of my team r out of the country and though I'm a bit worried which is very much how I cope while constantly thinking of all possibilities, it's a chance to test myself if I'm ready for more responsibility. I push away finish lines, whenever I'm faced with something, I raise a flag demanding my time, which always has added reserve or a multiple of what is actually needed. I must try a lot more and fail a little more to break the barrier of fear. today, I was watching the last samurai for the first time, and there was a scene when Tom cruise was taught how to fight and he was told that he has too many minds, and I believe it's very true, sometimes I notice multiple threads of thoughts instantly happening and sometimes negating each other, it's like many buses and ur deciding which one to ride, is this overworking the mind, I think it certainly is, the ability to focus is when u r in sync with yourself and when u have or you CAN'T see your mind at all. it's the source of confidence and is how I define believing in your thought and hence yourself, I often found it amazing how my mom acts with over confidence, and how she buys a product after she sees an add on TV and how convincing she is when she talks to anybody, it's simply because she believes in what she says. she doesnt doubt. now, this is the recipe for moving out of where u stand, but will not change ur route, doubting is like a point waiting a signal to move anywhere around 360 direction, but u r still standing where u r. so better not to have a mind at all or maybe a combination of both. anyhow, night. I'm off to sleep