i just have a thought and i want to put it down, i cant keep the thought off my head that whoever told us about free will lied. and that whatever drive we have has a physically bounded cause, i keep thinking about a second of time in my memory and i ask myself "where did that moment go" "Where is the past?" [i am so serious] will i ever see what happened at that moment ever again, "no", i recognize that i am a trace of all the past that i witnessed, and that whatever in my head from chemical reactions is a representation of that memory, but how manipulative is that since there is no substance to it? over the years, memories get distorted, stories get changed, every revision of it changes something because we naturally build on thoughts, so i guess sometimes keeping something unvisited makes it closer to the real experience or that moment in time.
in a way, whatever thoughts we have didnt come from outer space and is no spark of genius because its due to the environment that made us bounded to certain type of being that evolves but mostly its not up to us. a natural disaster can change the course of life and can change the overall level of existing intelligence.
i was staring at a fish bowl and i was thinking of the fish, fish are dumb and sloppy like. what are humans in that sense for a larger being who looks from outside? do fish know anything about the outside waters. what kind of computers will tell them of whats outside the waters and what kind of imagination will tell what are humans like and how we behave,, maybe air to them is like space to us. you will know what lungs mean when you experience space, we cant be outside this sphere as the plain human beings for reasons caused by the sphere where we first came to be and makes us belong to the sphere and cant do outside it because we adapted and nothing is forcing us to change. why is my question? why we are here and not there ? how important is it to be relative to the sphere? where was i and can i evolve by choice knowing that i need more functionality to get out of here, why do we behave far from animals, why do we think before we behave, do we really think? this question scares me.
maybe we are dumb and weird too, and we look human like because of what the earth is like.
sometimes i count how many living beings are in my house, i started with the people, then looking at the trees and pets, then considering the insects and flies then thinking of the infinite possibilities in the distance between me and the tree that i see, i was thinking of my chemistry and how it drives me. how my thoughts are part of this chemistry and i see my limits when i look at the fish.
i think there is no free will. this is what im thinking. why are humans awake is another story.
they used to say " we are here to build earth " .... hmmmm.... i think destroy is more likely to be true.